THE TWO-STEP PROCESS TO CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY
Your identity emerges out of your habits. You are not born with
preset beliefs. Every belief, including those about yourself, is
learned and conditioned through experience.
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More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity.
When you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an
organized person. When you write each day, you embody the
identity of a creative person. When you train each day, you embody
the identity of an athletic person.
The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the
identity associated with that behavior. In fact, the word identity was
originally derived from the Latin words essentitas, which means
being, and identidem, which means repeatedly. Your identity is
literally your “repeated beingness.”
Whatever your identity is right now, you only believe it because
you have proof of it. If you go to church every Sunday for twenty
years, you have evidence that you are religious. If you study biology
for one hour every night, you have evidence that you are studious. If
you go to the gym even when it’s snowing, you have evidence that
you are committed to fitness. The more evidence you have for a
belief, the more strongly you will believe it.
For most of my early life, I didn’t consider myself a writer. If you
were to ask any of my high school teachers or college professors,
they would tell you I was an average writer at best: certainly not a
standout. When I began my writing career, I published a new article
every Monday and Thursday for the first few years. As the evidence
grew, so did my identity as a writer. I didn’t start out as a writer. I
became one through my habits.
Of course, your habits are not the only actions that influence
your identity, but by virtue of their frequency they are usually the
most important ones. Each experience in life modifies your self-
image, but it’s unlikely you would consider yourself a soccer player
because you kicked a ball once or an artist because you scribbled a
picture. As you repeat these actions, however, the evidence
accumulates and your self-image begins to change. The effect of
one-off experiences tends to fade away while the effect of habits gets
reinforced with time, which means your habits contribute most of
the evidence that shapes your identity. In this way, the process of
building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself.
This is a gradual evolution. We do not change by snapping our
fingers and deciding to be someone entirely new. We change bit by
bit, day by day, habit by habit. We are continually undergoing
microevolutions of the self.
Each habit is like a suggestion: “Hey, maybe this is who I am.” If
you finish a book, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes
reading. If you go to the gym, then perhaps you are the type of
person who likes exercise. If you practice playing the guitar, perhaps
you are the type of person who likes music.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to
become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the
votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one
reason why meaningful change does not require radical change.
Small habits can make a meaningful difference by providing
evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it actually
is big. That’s the paradox of making small improvements.
Putting this all together, you can see that habits are the path to
changing your identity. The most practical way to change who you
are is to change what you do.
Each time you write a page, you are a writer.
Each time you practice the violin, you are a musician.
Each time you start a workout, you are an athlete.
Each time you encourage your employees, you are a leader.
Each habit not only gets results but also teaches you something
far more important: to trust yourself. You start to believe you can
actually accomplish these things. When the votes mount up and the
evidence begins to change, the story you tell yourself begins to
change as well.
Of course, it works the opposite way, too. Every time you choose
to perform a bad habit, it’s a vote for that identity. The good news is
that you don’t need to be perfect. In any election, there are going to
be votes for both sides. You don’t need a unanimous vote to win an
election; you just need a majority. It doesn’t matter if you cast a few
votes for a bad behavior or an unproductive habit. Your goal is
simply to win the majority of the time.
New identities require new evidence. If you keep casting the
same votes you’ve always cast, you’re going to get the same results
you’ve always had. If nothing changes, nothing is going to change.
It is a simple two-step process:
1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
First, decide who you want to be. This holds at any level—as an
individual, as a team, as a community, as a nation. What do you
want to stand for? What are your principles and values? Who do you
wish to become?
These are big questions, and many people aren’t sure where to
begin—but they do know what kind of results they want: to get six-
pack abs or to feel less anxious or to double their salary. That’s fine.
Start there and work backward from the results you want to the type
of person who could get those results. Ask yourself, “Who is the type
of person that could get the outcome I want?” Who is the type of
person that could lose forty pounds? Who is the type of person that
could learn a new language? Who is the type of person that could
run a successful start-up?
For example, “Who is the type of person who could write a
book?” It’s probably someone who is consistent and reliable. Now
your focus shifts from writing a book (outcome-based) to being the
type of person who is consistent and reliable (identity-based).
This process can lead to beliefs like:
“I’m the kind of teacher who stands up for her students.”
“I’m the kind of doctor who gives each patient the time and
empathy they need.”
“I’m the kind of manager who advocates for her employees.”
Once you have a handle on the type of person you want to be, you
can begin taking small steps to reinforce your desired identity. I
have a friend who lost over 100 pounds by asking herself, “What
would a healthy person do?” All day long, she would use this
question as a guide. Would a healthy person walk or take a cab?
Would a healthy person order a burrito or a salad? She figured if she
acted like a healthy person long enough, eventually she would
become that person. She was right.
The concept of identity-based habits is our first introduction to
another key theme in this book: feedback loops. Your habits shape
your identity, and your identity shapes your habits. It’s a two-way
street. The formation of all habits is a feedback loop (a concept we
will explore in depth in the next chapter), but it’s important to let
your values, principles, and identity drive the loop rather than your
results. The focus should always be on becoming that type of
person, not getting a particular outcome.
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