Graham, “keep your identity small.” The more you let a single belief define
you, the less capable you are of adapting when life challenges you. If you
tie everything up in being the point guard or the partner at the firm or
whatever else, then the loss of that facet of your life will wreck you. If
you’re a vegan and then develop a health condition that forces you to
change your diet, you’ll have an identity crisis on your hands. When you
cling too tightly to one identity, you become brittle. Lose that one thing and
you lose yourself.
For most of my young life, being an athlete was a major part of my
identity. After my baseball career ended, I struggled to find myself. When
you spend your whole life defining yourself in one way and that disappears,
who are you now?
Military veterans and former entrepreneurs report similar feelings. If
your identity is wrapped up in a belief like “I’m a great soldier,” what
happens when your period of service ends? For many business owners, their
identity is something along the lines of “I’m the CEO” or “I’m the
founder.” If you have spent every waking moment working on your
business, how will you feel after you sell the company?
The key to mitigating these losses of identity is to redefine yourself such
that you get to keep important aspects of your identity even if your
