Like all aspects of habit formation, this, too, is a double-edged sword.
When working for you, identity change can be
a powerful force for self-
improvement. When working against you, though, identity change can be a
curse. Once you have adopted an identity, it can be easy to let your
allegiance to it impact your ability to change. Many people walk through
life in a cognitive slumber, blindly following
the norms attached to their
identity.
“I’m terrible with directions.”
“I’m not a morning person.”
“I’m bad at remembering people’s names.”
“I’m always late.”
“I’m not good with technology.”
“I’m horrible at math.”
. . . and a thousand other variations.
When you have repeated a story to yourself for years, it is easy to slide
into these mental grooves and accept them as a fact. In time, you begin to
resist certain actions because “that’s not who I am.” There is internal
pressure to maintain your self-image and behave in a way that is consistent
with your beliefs. You find whatever way you can to avoid contradicting
yourself.
The more deeply a thought or action is tied to your identity, the more
difficult it is to change it. It can feel comfortable to believe what your
culture believes (group identity) or to do
what upholds your self-image
(personal identity), even if it’s wrong. The biggest barrier to positive change
at any level—individual, team, society—is identity conflict. Good habits
can make rational sense, but if they conflict with your identity, you will fail
to put them into action.
On any given day, you may struggle with your habits because you’re too
busy or too tired or too overwhelmed or hundreds of other reasons. Over the
long run, however, the real reason you fail to stick with habits is that your
self-image gets in the way. This is why you can’t get too attached to one
version of your identity. Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best
version of yourself requires you to
continuously edit your beliefs, and to
upgrade and expand your identity.
This brings us to an important question: If your beliefs and worldview
play such an important role in your behavior, where do they come from in
the first place? How, exactly, is your identity formed? And how can you
emphasize new aspects of your identity that serve you and gradually erase
the pieces that hinder you?
