THE TWO-STEP PROCESS TO CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY
Your identity emerges out of your habits. You are not born with preset
beliefs. Every belief, including those about yourself, is learned and
conditioned through experience.
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More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity. When
you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized
person. When you write each day, you embody the identity of a creative
person. When you train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic
person.
The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the identity
associated with that behavior. In fact, the word identity was originally
derived from the Latin words essentitas, which means being, and identidem,
which means repeatedly. Your identity is literally your “repeated
beingness.”
Whatever your identity is right now, you only believe it because you
have proof of it. If you go to church every Sunday for twenty years, you
have evidence that you are religious. If you study biology for one hour
every night, you have evidence that you are studious. If you go to the gym
even when it’s snowing, you have evidence that you are committed to
fitness. The more evidence you have for a belief, the more strongly you will
believe it.
For most of my early life, I didn’t consider myself a writer. If you were
to ask any of my high school teachers or college professors, they would tell
you I was an average writer at best: certainly not a standout. When I began
my writing career, I published a new article every Monday and Thursday
for the first few years. As the evidence grew, so did my identity as a writer.
I didn’t start out as a writer. I became one through my habits.
Of course, your habits are not the only actions that influence your
identity, but by virtue of their frequency they are usually the most important
ones. Each experience in life modifies your self-image, but it’s unlikely you
would consider yourself a soccer player because you kicked a ball once or
an artist because you scribbled a picture. As you repeat these actions,
however, the evidence accumulates and your self-image begins to change.
The effect of one-off experiences tends to fade away while the effect of
habits gets reinforced with time, which means your habits contribute most
of the evidence that shapes your identity. In this way, the process of
building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself.
This is a gradual evolution. We do not change by snapping our fingers
and deciding to be someone entirely new. We change bit by bit, day by day,
habit by habit. We are continually undergoing microevolutions of the self.
Each habit is like a suggestion: “Hey, maybe this is who I am.” If you
finish a book, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes reading. If
you go to the gym, then perhaps you are the type of person who likes
exercise. If you practice playing the guitar, perhaps you are the type of
person who likes music.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to
become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes
build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why
meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make
a meaningful difference by providing evidence of a new identity. And if a
change is meaningful, it actually is big. That’s the paradox of making small
improvements.
Putting this all together, you can see that habits are the path to changing
your identity. The most practical way to change who you are is to change
what you do.
Each time you write a page, you are a writer.
Each time you practice the violin, you are a musician.
Each time you start a workout, you are an athlete.
Each time you encourage your employees, you are a leader.
Each habit not only gets results but also teaches you something far more
important: to trust yourself. You start to believe you can actually
accomplish these things. When the votes mount up and the evidence begins
to change, the story you tell yourself begins to change as well.
Of course, it works the opposite way, too. Every time you choose to
perform a bad habit, it’s a vote for that identity. The good news is that you
don’t need to be perfect. In any election, there are going to be votes for both
sides. You don’t need a unanimous vote to win an election; you just need a
majority. It doesn’t matter if you cast a few votes for a bad behavior or an
unproductive habit. Your goal is simply to win the majority of the time.
New identities require new evidence. If you keep casting the same votes
you’ve always cast, you’re going to get the same results you’ve always had.
If nothing changes, nothing is going to change.
It is a simple two-step process:
1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
First, decide who you want to be. This holds at any level—as an
individual, as a team, as a community, as a nation. What do you want to
stand for? What are your principles and values? Who do you wish to
become?
These are big questions, and many people aren’t sure where to begin—
but they do know what kind of results they want: to get six-pack abs or to
feel less anxious or to double their salary. That’s fine. Start there and work
backward from the results you want to the type of person who could get
those results. Ask yourself, “Who is the type of person that could get the
outcome I want?” Who is the type of person that could lose forty pounds?
Who is the type of person that could learn a new language? Who is the type
of person that could run a successful start-up?
For example, “Who is the type of person who could write a book?” It’s
probably someone who is consistent and reliable. Now your focus shifts
from writing a book (outcome-based) to being the type of person who is
consistent and reliable (identity-based).
This process can lead to beliefs like:
“I’m the kind of teacher who stands up for her students.”
“I’m the kind of doctor who gives each patient the time and empathy
they need.”
“I’m the kind of manager who advocates for her employees.”
Once you have a handle on the type of person you want to be, you can
begin taking small steps to reinforce your desired identity. I have a friend
who lost over 100 pounds by asking herself, “What would a healthy person
do?” All day long, she would use this question as a guide. Would a healthy
person walk or take a cab? Would a healthy person order a burrito or a
salad? She figured if she acted like a healthy person long enough,
eventually she would become that person. She was right.
The concept of identity-based habits is our first introduction to another
key theme in this book: feedback loops. Your habits shape your identity,
and your identity shapes your habits. It’s a two-way street. The formation of
all habits is a feedback loop (a concept we will explore in depth in the next
chapter), but it’s important to let your values, principles, and identity drive
the loop rather than your results. The focus should always be on becoming
that type of person, not getting a particular outcome.
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