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Correct the mistakes in the word order and punctuation in the following sample essayBog'liq Grammar for IELTS4
Correct the mistakes in the word order and punctuation in the following sample essay.
"Rich and famous people are increasingly adopting children from developing countries. This
has overwhelmingly negative effects." Do you agree with this statement? Why?
Adoption has long been a com m on thing yet there a recent trend has been in adopting
children from overseas. This trend has been noted in the media as more and more
celebrities have adopted children from oth e r countries. Some people th in k th is is a
negative thing, but I think that on the w hole the effects positive of this outweigh any
negative repercussions as I sh a ll go on to show.
Firstly, adopting from other countries raises the awareness of a countrys plight. Seeing
fam ous people adopting children from countries like cambodia means that cambodia is in
the news more and people can find out w hat there is going on. Also, these children move
to ric h e r countries and can te ll people about th e ir native country raising awareness on a
s m a lle r scale.
Secondly, these children may w e ll not be adopted unless people come from overseas to do
it. A happy life in another country is surely bette r than an unhappy life in the country where
a person was born. The new country w ill give more opportunity the child and a fam ily that
they may not get if they were to stay in the orphanage
However fo r the children to retain th e ir cultu re it is im portant. There is a danger that this
m ight not happen if they move to another country. Therefore there should be a rule that
the adoptive parents allow the child to revisit th e ir home country and retain th e ir original
culture.
In conclusion, I th in k the personal adoption benefits gives a child and the awareness that
can be raised from these adoptions fa r outweighs any negative factors, such as change of
culture.
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