Your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep
saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really
want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions
reveal your true motivations.
Reward is on the other side of sacrifice. Response (sacrifice of energy)
always precedes reward (the collection of resources). The “runner’s high”
only comes after the hard run. The reward only comes after the energy is
spent.
Self-control is difficult because it is not satisfying. A reward is an
outcome that satisfies your craving. This makes self-control ineffective
because inhibiting our desires does not usually resolve them. Resisting
temptation does not satisfy your craving; it just ignores it. It creates space
for the craving to pass. Self-control requires you to release a desire rather
than satisfy it.
Our expectations determine our satisfaction. The gap between our
cravings and our rewards determines how satisfied we feel after taking
action. If the mismatch between expectations and outcomes is positive
(surprise and delight), then we are more likely to repeat a behavior in the
future. If the mismatch is negative (disappointment and frustration), then
we are less likely to do so.
For example, if you expect to get $10 and get $100, you feel great. If
you expect to get $100 and get $10, you feel disappointed. Your expectation
changes your satisfaction. An average experience preceded by high
expectations is a disappointment. An average experience preceded by low
expectations is a delight. When liking and wanting are approximately the
same, you feel satisfied.
Satisfaction = Liking – Wanting
This is the wisdom behind Seneca’s famous quote, “Being poor is not
having too little, it is wanting more.” If your wants outpace your likes,
you’ll always be unsatisfied. You’re perpetually putting more weight on the
problem than the solution.
Happiness is relative. When I first began sharing my writing publicly it
took me three months to get one thousand subscribers. When I hit that
milestone, I told my parents and my girlfriend. We celebrated. I felt excited
and motivated. A few years later, I realized that one thousand people were
signing up each day. And yet I didn’t even think to tell anyone. It felt
normal. I was getting results ninety times faster than before but
experiencing little pleasure over it. It wasn’t until a few days later that I
realized how absurd it was that I wasn’t celebrating something that would
have seemed like a pipe dream just a few years before.
