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Our expectations determine our satisfactionBog'liq Atomic habitsOur expectations determine our satisfaction. The gap between our
cravings and our rewards determines how satisfied we feel after taking
action. If the mismatch between expectations and outcomes is positive
(surprise and delight), then we are more likely to repeat a behavior in the
future. If the mismatch is negative (disappointment and frustration), then
we are less likely to do so.
For example, if you expect to get $10 and get $100, you feel great. If you
expect to get $100 and get $10, you feel disappointed. Your expectation
changes your satisfaction. An average experience preceded by high
expectations is a disappointment. An average experience preceded by low
expectations is a delight. When liking and wanting are approximately the
same, you feel satisfied.
Satisfaction = Liking – Wanting
This is the wisdom behind Seneca’s famous quote, “Being poor is not
having too little, it is wanting more.” If your wants outpace your likes,
you’ll always be unsatisfied. You’re perpetually putting more weight on the
problem than the solution.
Happiness is relative. When I first began sharing my writing publicly it
took me three months to get one thousand subscribers. When I hit that
milestone, I told my parents and my girlfriend. We celebrated. I felt excited
and motivated. A few years later, I realized that one thousand people were
signing up each day. And yet I didn’t even think to tell anyone. It felt
normal. I was getting results ninety times faster than before but
experiencing little pleasure over it. It wasn’t until a few days later that I
realized how absurd it was that I wasn’t celebrating something that would
have seemed like a pipe dream just a few years before.
The pain of failure correlates to the height of expectation. When
desire is high, it hurts to not like the outcome. Failing to attain something
you want hurts more than failing to attain something you didn’t think much
about in the first place. This is why people say, “I don’t want to get my
hopes up.”
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